Kryptonite
by Spashleylove11
Summary: There was passion, there was tender moments, there was love. Rachel Berry thought it would last forever. She thought nothing, and no one could tear them apart. Who knew? Read it, review it, give it a chance. My summaries absolutely suck it's away better
1. Chapter 1

_**Yeah so this is a random one shot sort of thing. Just sort of came to me. Sorry if it sucks or makes absolutely no sense, sometimes things seem like they make sense in my head and then it just doesn't on paper. I would love some feedback. **_

_You took my hand, you showed me how  
You promised me you'd be around  
Uh huh, that's right_

I had no idea what was going on. My heart would beat faster, my palms would start to sweat, and my heart would tighten every moment I was around her. I, Rachel Berry, was falling hard and fast for the head cheerleader, the most beautiful girl in the school, the most beautiful girl in the world. But what was even crazier, she was falling for me too. I was scared, no I was absolutely terrified. But she grabbed my hand and told me, promised me that she would always be around and take the lead, show me how to get the courage to do what our hearts both needed. 

_I took your words and I believed  
In everything you said to me  
Yeah huh, that's right_

It was amazing, beautiful, and epic; there are so many words that could describe our time together, our chemistry. We would just lie together holding one another whispering promises, and I love you to each other. I never doubted any of the sweet words that came out of her lips that I loved so much.

_If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong_

When people found out, when word got around about Quinn and I dating people were skeptical to say the least. They told me that she was playing me, she was a cold heartless bitch, and she was using me for whatever was next on her agenda. And as they said those words my heart slowly broke but every time I saw her angelic smile, just for me I knew they couldn't be right. I shouted, I cried, I got into so many fights over our relationship with others. I told them it was real and they were all wrong.

_I know better  
?Cause you said forever  
And ever, who knew?_

And whenever she found me sitting there staring straight ahead at the wall after one of those fights she would take me in her strong arms and hold me. The scent of vanilla, of everything good in the world, her scent would surround me and comfort me. I told her what they said and all she did was offer a light smile and a kiss to my lips while softly uttering the word forever.

_Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool  
Oh no, no no_

We used to go to the park all the time. There was a big oak tree and we would lay there for hours. We giggled, we laughed, we offered each other all of our hearts. We shut out the rest of the world. In those moments there was just us. We carved our names into those trees, because we were convinced that we were so perfect for each other, so right.

_I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you a friend  
I'd give anything_

I have nightmares all the time. There she is, Quinn Fabray, and she is running towards me. And then we finally meet and she brings me into one of her warm hugs that I love so much and I take her hand in mine and I plan to never let go again. But then I wake up and the only thing that I have in my hands are my sheets that are wet from my tears. I wish I could touch her again.  
_  
When someone said count your blessings now  
For they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong_

When the kids in glee, the kids at school told me to enjoy it while it lasted I didn't listen. Because I knew that our love would last forever…we could enjoy it together forever. But I guess I was wrong.

_But they knew better  
Still you said forever and ever  
Who knew? Yeah yeah_

When they said all those cruel words about us, about her they were right. They knew better than I ever did. We didn't last. Our love didn't go anywhere near forever.

_I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we, until we meet again  
And I won't forget you my friend  
What happened?_

I won't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about her. A face like hers is nearly impossible to forget. Her beautiful blond hair, her smile that lights her eyes with pure childish amusement, her fair mystic skin, it is an image that no matter how hard I try, is locked in my mind until forever. And when we do meet again, if we ever do…well I am not sure that my breaking heart could possibly take any more pain. I would love to say that she is still my friend, I would love to say that she is still my love, I would love to say that I understood what happened. But I just don't, for once I just don't understand. __

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
?Cause they're all wrong

I remember the first time she told me she loved me. She captured my eyes with her own beautiful hazel eyes. She delicately took my hand in hers. And then she came closer, so close that I could feel her breath tickling my skin. I could feel her presence intoxicating me, suffocating me. And when she finally whispered those three fatal words, the three words that were pure music to my words I knew that she would never let me go. There was such strength in those words. Any thoughts that this relationship wouldn't last until the end of time, well they were all wrong.

And that last kiss I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes it harder  
I wish I could remember

She called me over to her house late last night. Her calming voice reached mine through the phone and I immediately made my way to her house. She led me into the living room, and she just stood beside the couch, while I did the same. Her eyes bore into mine, they were burning with emotions that I had never seen before in her, and I for once when I was with her I didn't feel safe. She took my hand in hers and she looked me in the eyes just like she did when she told me she loved me. She came close, as close as possible without touching me, without putting her arms around me and making me feel safe again. And then she weakly, brokenly said three more words, but these words weren't fatal. No these words were worse they were heartbreaking; they were words that kept me up for nights after. I can't anymore is what she said to me that gloomy day. She told me how they made fun of her, how she was sliding down the social ladder, how she didn't like the feeling of it, how she just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't listen to her excuses. I just took in all her features and walked out the door, walked away from the person keeping me safe, the person keeping me sane, the one I thought would be there forever.

_But I keep your memory  
You visit me in my sleep  
My darling, who knew?_

I could never erase the memories we had together. And maybe I don't want to. Maybe there is still a part of me that hopes she will look at me again in the hallway, she will spare me one glance and she will come and tell me that it was all a big mistake. But really, those are just dreams. Those only happen in my sleep, in my dream world where the burning love we had could never die. Our love was strong, strong like superman. But I soon learned that even superman has his kryptonite. Who knew?

My darling  
My darling, who knew?  
My darling I miss you  
My darling, who knew?

I miss her more than I want to admit. I miss her touch, her eyes, and her heart. I miss it all. I should have seen it, everyone else did. They all knew. I miss her more than I ever thought possible. Who knew?

Who knew?

**So please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. How it used to be

I can't help but remember all the great times we had together. No matter how devastating the end of our relationship was I can't help but think that we had still created something absolutely magnificent. And maybe, just maybe all the pain was worth all those amazing times we had together. I did not hang on to many things, but Quinn, Well Quinn was my exception…she was my addiction.

_**I love that lavender blond  
The way she moves  
The way she walks  
I touch myself can't get enough  
And in the silence of the night  
Through all the tears  
And all the lies  
I touch myself and it's alright **_

The concept of love was always a hard one for me. It was difficult to discover the difference between infatuation and true love when it came to people like Finn. But not Quinn Fabray. I absolutely adored everything about her, the way she moved, the way she talked, the way her eyes would light up like stars in the night sky whenever she was really happy. And when I realized that I truly did love her I was afraid. I would sit on my bed surrounded by darkness and quiet, my only friends at the time. I would think about the way my heart would skip a beat when she walked past me. I would think of how cruel she used to be, I would think of how she just could not feel the same way, I would shed a tear or two.

**Just give in  
Don't give up baby  
Open up your heart and your mind to me **

When she confessed her feelings to me, when we found out that we felt that same spark while looking into the others eyes I was ecstatic. Of course I was so happy that she felt the same way. But I was also terrified. I was scared and shocked. How after all those years, after all those slushies, after all those names could Quinn Fabray ever love me back? I remember the first conversation we had.

_"Quinn I can't do this."_

_"Cant or wont?" and when she said it she had that mischievous glint in her eyes. I knew that this was something she wanted when I saw that. And Quinn Fabray always seemed to have a way of getting what she wants._

_"I don't know, but I know that no matter how much we want this it just won't work out. You're Quinn Fabray head cheerleader, most beautiful girl in the school. Most charming girl in the school. And I'm just Rachel Berry."_

_She took my hand in hers and gave me a look full of conviction and dare I say something that resembled the early stages of love. I assume that is the same sort of look I would give her. "The phrase just Rachel Berry makes absolutely no sense at all. It isn't just Rachel Berry it is The Rachel Berry. You're the best singer in this school; you're the best singer I have ever heard. People always talk about angels singing, and when they said those sorts of things I never understood what they meant…until I met you. When I heard you sing I figured that must be what angels sound like because I felt like I was in Heaven while listening. You're strong, smart, and committed. You are going to be the one who gets out of this town and all I want is to help you get there and be by your side. We both know how we feel Rachel, I really really like you and I believe that you said you like me too, just give in." Through her speech she had moved closer and as she ended I could feel her breath attacking my sensitive skin. Her eyes were alight with hope, and her words were laced with honesty._

_As I heard what she said I couldn't help the feeling of fire surging through my veins. The words were beautiful, she was absolutely beautiful. But could we be beautiful together. "I do know how you feel. I'm just scared …I don't know why. I just am, I'm sorry."_

_She drew in a shaky breath and took her gaze off mine for much too long. It was the first time I had seen her lose the composure that she usually kept so well. But soon enough her hazel eyes were right on mine, a mix of emotion churning within them. "You're scared because you don't trust me. And I don't blame you at all. I've been horrible to you; I haven't given you one reason to trust me. But believe me I want that to change. If you really do like me then open up your mind and open up your heart, give me a chance to get in there. Give me a chance to earn that trust. Because in your mind, in your heart, right by your side is the only place I ever want to be." She finished with that charming smile of hers. That smile that made it seem like she had absolutely everything in control and nothing could possibly go wrong. And when I saw that smile I decided that maybe I could take that chance_

_"Okay, I'll try" And I guess you could say that was the moment our relationship really started._

**Just know when  
That glass is empty  
That the world is gonna bend**

Happy in the club with a bottle of red wine  
Stars in our eyes 'cuz we're having a good time

When we started our relationship it wasn't like all those stories. We didn't just immediately love each other and never leave the other's side. We had to build it up. At first it was so fragile. It felt like it could break at any moment. I felt like I could break at any moment. It wasn't as safe as some of my past relationships, but I think that's one of the reasons it was so mind blowing. Even though we were working so hard to trust each other, working so hard to make sure nothing slipped to anyone else I was absolutely happy. I was happier than I had ever been before. I always thought that I was some sort of star, but Quinn helped me shine brighter than I ever could have on my own.

_She was lying on my bed flipping through a magazine. I was sitting at my desk content with just watching the angel before me. Then suddenly she looked up and caught me staring. "You know Rachel Berry you're a star."_

_I could only shake my head at the compliment and let out a small smile. "I'm not too sure about that."_

_A light smile was painted on her face and there was a shimmer of something I couldn't really see in my eyes. "I am, and one day you will be too."_

Yes she was the one person who could really make me feel like a star. But even stars die one day.

Eh-eh  
Eh-eh  
So happy I could die  
Be your best friend  
Yeah I'll love you forever  
Up in the clouds  
We'll be higher than ever

We had to take it slow. That sort of relationship was new to the both of us. I think those strong feelings were new to both of us too. We decided to be friends first. We were best friends actually. I would tell her all my secrets, I would tell her things that sometimes I was afraid to tell myself. She would always be there for me to talk to, and she would trust me with certain information that she wouldn't dare put in another's hands. But mostly our relationship was in the safety of one of our houses. But I didn't have a problem with that. What we had was delicate and pure. I did not want it to be tainted by the cruel people that were on the other side of my bedroom door. I was so grateful that we were able to keep our delicate relationship going because at that point it felt like I was floating on clouds, I was higher than ever. It was all the little things that she would do. She was quite the charmer.

_I remember opening my locker one day. When I reached in to grab a book a note lightly fell into my hands. And as I saw the fluid hand writing I could imagine who it might be from. The card read:_

_Dear Rachel,_

_Me and You are friends…_

_You fight, I fight…._

_You hurt, I hurt…_

_You cry, I cry…_

_You jump off a bridge…_

_I'm Gonna Miss Your Dumb Ass_

_Love,_

_Quinn_

_When I read the note I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. Quinn seemed to always find an interesting way to express her feelings. And when I looked up I saw those hazel eyes that I love so much. And even though she was with a group of cheerleaders, even though there were people all around watching her every move waiting for a chance to steal her throne as the head of the school, even though we were in public she offered me a warm smile and a wave her eyes filled with amusement. And as I waved back I couldn't help but fall for her that little bit more._

But that was the past, and now I doubt she would even dare to look my way.

**Eh-eh  
Eh-eh  
So happy I could die  
And it's alright **

Our relationship was very tender; any little thing could have broken it. But every moment was worth it. When I was with her I was so happy that if I died right there and then, it might just be okay.

**I am as vain as I allow  
I do my hair  
I gloss my eyes  
I touch myself all through the night  
And when something fall out of place  
I take my time  
I put it back  
I touch myself  
Till I'm on track **

I always felt like I didn't deserve her. I didn't have the personality or the looks for a girl like Quinn Fabray. And whenever she told me to stop thinking that or saying that I never listened, because I knew that it was true. Every moment we spent together I just felt lucky that she chose to spend it with me instead of someone much more fun and popular. Whenever I knew I was going to see her, every day before school I would get up extra early to do my hair and makeup. I wanted to make sure I looked the best I possibly could; I would always look myself over in the mirror to make sure that nothing was out of place. I remember what she used to do:

_I was getting ready in the bathroom before school. I could smell cinnamon and fire so it wasn't surprising when I heard that voice that might even beat Barbra's "You don't need the makeup you know. You are beautiful just the way you are."_

_I turned around to look at her and my heart seemed to stop for a second as I took in her angelic features. She was leaning lightly against the door frame a slight frown on her face. "You don't need to say that Quinn"_

_She took a step in shutting the door behind her. I tried hard to focus back on applying the makeup but the simple thought of her being near was a distraction."I know but I want to. You know you didn't really wear make-up before."_

_I turned to face her forgetting my makeup at that moment. As I took in her eerily beautiful looks the thought that I just wasn't enough for her struck me once more. And then I couldn't look at her anymore, I just had to look away. I couldn't help the answer that slipped out of my mouth. "Well I wasn't dating you before. But I am now and I would like to keep it that way."_

_I could hear her slow deliberate steps coming up behind me. And the room slowly started to get warmer. I could feel my face heating up and I could practically cut the tension with a knife. "Why do you need make up to do that Rach?"_

_I took in a deep breath and tried to ignore the way I got all giddy inside upon hearing her use my nickname. "You deserve someone-"_

_She lightly placed her hands on my waist and gave a light squeeze effectively ending any coherent thoughts I had. Her warm breath hit my neck like waves would a shore. And her voice came out calm, smooth, and terrifyingly honest. "Like you Rachel. I deserve someone just like you. Actually I don't deserve you at all."_

_I kept my thoughts on the conversation and not the way her body seemed to be inching closer to mine. "I think you've got things mixed up Quinn."_

_Her thumb slowly started to rub circles on my waist and she let out a carefree, feather light chuckle that always made me wonder if she was really a teenager or some five year old in the wrong body. "Don't call me Quinn call me lucky."_

_I shook my head as confusion set in "What? Why?"_

_She let out a sigh and I felt her arms circle my waist pulling me close. She rested her head on my shoulder and I could feel her soft golden locks tickling my skin. "Because, I must be the luckiest person in the world to have a girlfriend like you to stay by me. I think about how lucky I am to have someone as perfect as you care about someone like me."_

_I turned around to face her and was stunned by the anxious look in those hazel eyes of hers. I lightly wrapped my arms around her neck and I felt her sigh in content. "Nobody's perfect Quinn"_

_Her eyes seemed to brighten by the second. Her face neared mine and her sweet breath came out calmly and slowly against my face. My breathing must have started to quicken all on its own "Yeah, I used to think the exact same thing…but then I met you. Come on let's go"_

_"But I'm not done yet"_

_She took a moment and I felt her eyes scan over every inch of my face. It was honestly scary. My god it was terrifying watching her eyes inspect me like that. Then she came impossibly closer and laid a chaste sweet kiss to my lips before smiling that mischievous smile of hers. "Yeah…yeah you are."_

She made me feel so much more beautiful than anyone else ever could. But what I didn't realize is that there is a flip side. When she left me she made me feel like the ugliest person in the world.

**Just give in  
Don't give up baby  
Open up your heart and your mind to me **

As time passed I found myself remembering the first conversation we had. I trusted Quinn so much more now. I opened my heart…god I opened that door so much wider than I had for anyone else. I always let her know what I was thinking. But usually she was the thing that was always on my mind. And once I did it I was never going to give up on our relationship. I thought that she felt the same way…but I suppose I was wrong.

**Just know when  
That glass is empty  
That the world is gonna bend**

Happy in the club with a bottle of red wine  
Stars in our eyes 'cuz we're having a good time

I was happy with the way things were going. I was content to wait for those blissful moments after school when Quinn and I could be absolutely anything we pleased. But Quinn wasn't necessarily as pleased with it. Every time she would pass me in the hall it was painful. I would look into her hazel eyes and all I could see was anger. I could smell her intoxicating scent all around me and as she walked by she lit my skin on fire by simple grazing her arm against my own. But the anger in her eyes never departed. She absolutely hated that she was so afraid to come and just be with me in public. It was especially hard for her because Finn just seemed to be all over me, every minute of the day.

_We were sitting on my bed doing homework. After trying to figure out a math problem for about an hour Quinn had one of her random out bursts. "I hate him."_

_This was one of her usual things. It wasn't hard for me to guess that she was talking about Finn. It was hard for me to stomach the hurt that was in her voice. But I just kept my eyes down and tried to finish my chemistry homework. "That's a bit harsh don't you think."_

_I heard her let out a frustrated sigh as she slammed one of her books shut. "No. He is always following you around like some god damn puppy. Apparently he is one person that does not understand that no means no."_

_At this comment I had to look up. And the cross between a pout and murderous look on her face was actually pretty comical. I simply smiled, because I knew deep down there she was actually upset. She just tried not to let it show too much. "Awww you're jealous"_

_She raised one of those perfectly sculpted eyebrows and shifted so she was closer to me on the bed. "No I'm not"_

_"Don't worry I think it is absolutely adorable"_

_"You know what you are very lucky that I like you so much"_

_I shook my head and tried to make it look like that simple confession didn't still mean so much to me even after all this time. I then tried to pretend that I understood the chemistry homework after all the tutoring I had. "I know I am"_

_"Maybe we should let everyone else know what I love about you" Her voice held the innocence of a young child trying to slip something past their mother. But at the suggestion I could only look up sharply. I closed my books with a sigh and removed them from the bed in preparation for the conversation that was sure to follow._

_"Quinn..."_

_She moved slightly closer and I could feel the bed dip beneath. She spoke loudly, confidently. "Like how I love your voice, especially when you sing to me"_

_"I d-" Even though the way she had said it, and what she had said pretty much melted my mind I still had some train of thought left. Our relationship, our love just wasn't strong enough to survive the outside world. It was like a bird with a broken wing, it wasn't time for it to leave the nest yet._

_She slowly, methodically moved closer, her smoldering gaze fixed right on me. "How I love the way your big brown eyes get ultimately brighter whenever you come up with one of your sneaky plans."_

_"Come on Quinn"_

_She pulled me into her lap and held me tight with her arms. "How I love your height. The way you fit right by my side, right into my arms."_

_"Please-"But really this interruption was weak because I couldn't do much but love the way that she held me. Love the way that I felt so safe cuddled in her arms. With her there, her warms homey scent filling the air around me, her careful even breaths echoing in my mind, I felt safe and I thought that it might actually be okay if someone else knew about how we really felt._

_She dropped a kiss to my temple and held onto me as if she was clinging to dear life. She threaded her hands through mine and let her guard down. Her gaze was soft and vulnerable, and what she said wasn't necessarily a statement, there was a bit of a questioning tone used. Her voice was not much more than a whisper. "Or maybe how I love that you love me back."_

_I felt the joy surge through every fiber of my being and then I gave her a quick kiss to try and attempt to show her how much I really did feel for her. "Or possibly how you are absolutely crazy."_

_The tricky look was back in her eyes and I could feel the quiet giggles erupt inside her. She said the next words with such affection that I couldn't help but think this could be, no this should be my forever. "Only for you."_

Unfortunately a person can't really pick their forever. Destiny does that for you I guess.

**So happy I could die  
Be your best friend  
Yeah I'll love you forever  
Up in the clouds  
We'll be higher than ever**

So happy I could die  
And it's alright

I wish I was that happy again. I really do. I wish I could walk into school tomorrow and not feel the pain shoot through my chest every time I see her. I wish she would just talk to me and explain what happened, and why she let everything go so suddenly…why she changed. Sometimes I even wish I could just die. But for now I have school and I have to be up by 6 to mentally prepare myself. I wish I could just sleep one night without her invading my dreams…I wish there wasn't a tomorrow with a glee club where I will be forced to see her.

**So this was supposed to be a one shot but I decided to expand it. If you do want this story to continue please leave a comment telling me. Also if you have any suggestions of how you would like me to continue. Thanks :D By the way the song is So Happy I Could Die by the awesome Lady Gaga.  
**


	3. Answer me

**Hello all. I do understand that I suck very much. I have not updated this in a while and I am really sorry. I have a ton of final projects to finish for school at the moment so I cannot promise regular updates until they are complete. But, the more reviews I see the sooner the chapters will be put together. The italics are flashbacks or song lyrics. Anyway I hope there are some that are still reading and that enjoy this chapter. **

_Oh yeah__  
__Oh yeah_

More like oh no. Here it is. The first real day since the break up that I will be seeing Quinn in school. I can't deny that my stomach is in knots and I feel the need to puke. I also can't really say if this is because I am afraid to see her or so happy to finally be able to see those sweet eyes and enticing lips that I still love so much more than I should. And as I turn on my car and hear the soft hum of the engine mix into the melody of my thoughts I don't think I want to know.

_So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend__  
__And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send__  
__Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem__  
__You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be_

As I entered through the doors I looked around the place that seemed so much lonelier, so cold. Everyone walked around as if nothing had changed, nothing was different. And I guess to them it was true…Quinn and I were only a disaster waiting to happen. I guess they had that idea from the moment they knew we were together. I only wish I had the same idea. I slowly deliberately walked to my locker, trying to keep my head up high, trying to pretend that my world wasn't falling apart and I was searching for some reason to feel like I was worth anything, a reason I deserved to be walking down the hall at the moment.

And at the exact moment that I reached my locker and opened the lock and had finally found some sort of normal, something to remind me that not everything had changed I heard it. The noise that sounded like fairies excitedly talking, like a newborn baby expressing all their innocence and joy to the world. I heard her laughter. And when I looked up and saw those perfect hazel eyes it terrified me. Because those were not the same eyes of the lover I had once had…those were the eyes of a predator closely watching its prey. And as she glided slowly towards me I forgot everything I had ever planned to say to her. It was all too much and I forgot about the hundreds of letters I must have written about what I would say when we finally saw each other again…what I would say to make her heart beat the same rhythm as mine once more.

"Watch it Berry" With those heartbreaking words she was gone; strutting confidently down the hall as if we had never had the nickname talk. I remember the nickname talk as clear as day. There is no way she could have forgotten, it was in the beginning of our relationship when all apologies were spoken and trust was cautiously handed out.

_She had gotten me to drink, but that is a story for another day. We were sitting on the couch each of us slightly buzzed, facing each other. I was super aware of her near me, her hand grazing my thigh, her legs leaving a trail of burning ice wherever they rubbed against mine. __  
_

_I felt the alcohol coursing through my veins and for once I felt strong and somewhat confident in her presence. She had a goofy look on her face and suddenly words were just spilling out of my mouth. And even though I was drunk, I remembered and meant every one. "I don't like it when you call me Berry." _

_At the sound of my voice she looked up and once again my breath was caught in my throat by the pure beauty that she held. She gave me a quizzical look and gently held my hand. "Why?"_

_I shook my head at the foolish words I was about to say but still let the alcohol set them free "It just makes me sad" _

_Her hand grasped mine tighter and just that simple touch made me feel like nothing else could ever hurt me…no one else could ever touch me. Her head was down and the look of defeat just didn't suit her. "I'm sorry" _

"_Why would you call me that Quinn…you're smart, and I know that you knew it hurt me. Why would you want to hurt me like that…what did I do?" I always felt insecure around her. She was perfect, she is perfect. She's like an angel and angels don't make mistakes. So if something went wrong between the two of us I simply assumed I must have been the cause. _

_Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine. I almost let out a gasp at the sight. Her eyes were like crystal…but they had an element of warmth that wouldn't let me look away. Her lips trembled trying to find the perfect way to let the words out. "You scared me. The way I felt about you scared me." _

_At the moment I forgot about the way her hand was practically melting mine and our legs touching. All I could think about was what we could be…what we should be….and if it could happen. "Are you still afraid?" _

"_No because now I have you. And I promise the only reason I would ever call you Berry now is because you are just as sweet as one." She finished her phrase with a light smile, her eyes shining with amusement. She laid a soft kiss to my cheek and I could have sworn it was something miraculous. _

"_That sounds good to me" _

"_Sleep sounds good to me" And with that she let out one of her carefree smiles that could melt any glacier and guided me up the stairs…guided me to happier days. _

So when I heard her say Berry in that cold, cutting voice I knew exactly how she was going to play her game; because after all, we all know that she seems to be the master and I am just some silly pawn on her board. She will pretend like it had never happened…trying to cover up the only thing I was so proud of I always wanted to show. She was going to cover up our love and pretend like she hadn't been holding my heart; like she isn't slowly crushing it at the moment. _  
_

_So let me be, and I'll set you free_

_I am in misery__  
__There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah__  
__Why won't you answer me?__  
__The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah_

I could only clutch my books tighter as my heart painfully clenched and my shaky walls started to slowly come crashing down. And right before all was lost I felt strong yet soft arms engulf me in a warm hug. It wasn't my angel. It was not the one that I wanted it to be. But as I heard Kurt's soft voice telling me that everything would be okay I realized that it was a close second. And in the next moment as I saw her blond locks turn a corner, my heart speeding up, I realized a close second was not what I needed, I needed her.

_Girl you really got me bad__  
__You really got me bad__  
__Now I'm gonna get you back__  
__I'm gonna get you back_

I drew in a shaky breath as Kurt slowly pulled away. And for a few terrifying moments I was back in the dangerous world where pain seemed to be just around the corner waiting to attack. But before I could internally freak out Kurt took my hand and offered me a sweet smile. Leading me to what I assume was glee club.

He gave me a troubled look as we continued down the hall through the crowds of people. "Will you be okay in Glee today Rachel"

At that I had to let out a small smile. It was nice to have someone to count on as just a friend. But then I thought of all that could happen in this glee club meeting. Sure some of it would be bad but maybe in the safety of our second home she would finally let me understand where it all went wrong…where I went wrong. "I'll get by…I guess I can't just stop everything at the moment. But thank you for caring."

His face contorted into rage, one style that Kurt rarely wore. His voice was strong and strict yet so soothing at the exact same time. "It is my job to care, just like it was Quinn's job to do exactly the same. What did she do to you Rachel…I swear I have assembled a glee army that is ready to massacre her on your command."

"It's okay right now Kurt. I just don't want to talk about it. I don't need an army either I just need you to stay with me during glee"

I heard a frustrated or possibly disappointed sigh leave his lips before he put on one of his heart warming smiles that even made me feel happy. "I can do that"

_Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine__  
__The way it feels to be completely intertwined__  
__Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know__  
__It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show_

_So let me be, and I'll set you free_

As I walked into the room I didn't have to look because I could practically feel her. I felt her presence, I smelled her unique scent, and I was being suffocated. And when I finally got the strength to turn around I saw her. There she was. The Quinn on her throne untouchable…cold as ice, with her two knights Brittany and Santana at her sides. I used to have a plan for every situation thinkable but this…I never ever thought of this before. As I stood there trying to decide what to do I felt a hand grab my wrist and realized there was no choice to make. I looked up to see Finn with his dopey smile guiding me away from her to sit with the other members of the glee club who were sitting in one big group. Apparently they knew some of what had happened, and that some was enough for them to know that they wanted to take care of me. And no matter how they had treated me in the past...I never could have been more thankful.

Mr. Schue walked in and by the look on his face the tension must have been extremely obvious and for once he didn't seem to have a motivational speech or a plan, so I decided to suggest something.

"Well I think that maybe we should rehearse the number one more time"

Her voice was sharp, sort of like a sword slicing through the air, but at the moment it felt like a final slice through my fragile heart. "Stupid idea. No need to cling to the number for so long…but you would know a lot about clingy wouldn't you? Anyway we don't need any more practice with it."

I didn't know what those words were supposed to mean. I didn't know if they were meant to tell me something or to simply hurt me. Yet as I looked around and saw the shocked and disapproving faces of my fellow glee members I decided to simply ignore them. "Well if you could see it from my point of view we could use more work…I am the more professional and knowledgeable one here."

I made the mistake of looking at her and I saw her eyes narrow as she let out a merciless chuckle. "I'd like to see it from your point of view and all that but I can't seem to get my head far enough up my ass."

"Quinn not appropriate; we will rehearse the choreography one more time and then we should be set"

She looked away tearing her fiery gaze from the situation. This was not how things were supposed to go; totally ignoring me is one thing but her doing this is a whole different pain. What's worse pretending it never happened or clearly knowing it did and then her purposefully hurting me? I couldn't say and I don't know...all I know is that we are standing in our starting positions and she is less than two feet away from me. I can smell what once felt like home and I can practically feel the anger radiating off her. And as the song steadily progressed; nearing the part where we were supposed to dance one of her feet shot out right in front of me. I'm not sure if it was the shock once I realized what she was trying to do or the momentum but I wasn't able to stop myself from falling on the ground…my ankle twisting and turning in ways it was never meant to. I could feel the cold, heartless ground beneath me and I let out a soft moan, a cry, that wasn't simply for the ankle pain. And then I heard a booming voice, and felt a rough yet soothing hand on my arm.

"Quinn if that is really what just happened, if you honestly just did that you are a goddamn heartless bitch." It was Finn, I had never in my life heard him this upset but I knew it was him hovering above me. And when I opened my eyes he was starring daggers at her…the only thing more surprising is that her once icy eyes were slowly darting between him and me.

"Since when did you start caring about her?"

"I think the better question, that we would all like answered is when did you stop?" He was met with a shocked expression from Quinn and dropped jaws from everyone else in the room. Once he was certain he wasn't going to get his answer he focused back on me, giving me a soft smile. "Come on Rachel let's get you to a nurse."

Then the final crashing blow was thrown. Her voice was a soft whisper and she was starring straight at me. I couldn't read her eyes. I could not understand the look she was giving me, but I knew that tone. It meant she was getting what she wanted no matter what. "No. I'll take her and don't bother arguing with me, any of you. Let's go" And as we walked out, my arm draped around Quinn's shoulder for some sort of support, I could practically feel the despair of the others.

_I am in misery__  
__And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah__  
__Why won't you answer me?__  
__The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah_

The walk to the nurse was awkward. The waiting was awkward. I could feel her eyes on me every single second, following every movement I made. But I had made the mistake of looking into those eyes far too many times and this time I was content with focusing on my hands. While looking at my hands I used my fingers and I counted.

I counted how many times we had kissed.

I counted how many times we had said I love you to each other.

I counted how many times we had snuck out and taken midnight walks through the street.

I counted how many times she had hurt me.

I kept counting until I had gotten so caught up in the math that I almost missed the smell of vanilla and cinnamon, or the tapping of her fingers on the desk, I counted until I almost forgot that she was even existed. But then I remembered what it was I was counting.

_Girl you really got me bad__  
__You really got me bad__  
__And now I'm gonna get you back__  
__Now I'm gonna get you back_

_You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken__  
__You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun__  
__I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you__  
__I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam_

I was in the midst of counting when I heard the scraping of a chair against the floor, and that the tapping had subsided. I knew that could only mean one thing. She was leaving me again. But I didn't trust my mind or my heart. They always seem to be playing tricks on me. So I decided to look up, and sure enough I saw her standing…slowly getting closer to the door. She was looking at me, her eyes a storm of some kind.

Her voice was soft and not so stable. It made me want to hug her. It made me want to hate her. It made me want to simply cry. "I don't think this was such a good idea." With those final words she began to take steps toward the door.

I closed my eyes and just tried to let her leave. I tried to make it all okay. But all I could hear was the light sound of her small steps running around in my mind and I had to stop it. I was confused .I didn't care that I had an ankle that felt like it had been in a tub of molten lava and I didn't give a damn about how desperate I would look. I got up and took a step toward her. The pain my ankle had survived before was nothing compared to now. Before I knew it I was falling, slowly, quickly falling, while letting out a low moan. Everything went black and then I felt something that I hadn't felt in what seemed like forever. The walls of my old castle, my armor, and her arms were wrapped tightly around me. Leaving burning trails wherever they touched my skin. I breathed it all in. I could smell her around me…I could hear her heavy breathing…I could remember what it used to be like.

_Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?__  
__Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?__  
__Why do you do what you do to me yeah?__  
__Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?_

I opened my eyes once more and was met with pure hazel. I came back into the moment. Back into the now, in which Quinn and I were nothing but in the same glee club, in the same school.

I was angry, I wanted to shout it. But that just wouldn't fit. The only thing that seemed right at the moment was a whisper. So I continued to gaze into her eyes and feel her arms around me and I asked the question that just wouldn't pass. "Why is it over? What did I do?" The lone tear started the journey down my cheek. It was soothing in a way…it made me feel.

She didn't answer. Why wouldn't she answer me? I felt her harsh breath against my neck. Painfully slow she brought her hand up and wiped the tear from my cheek. Her fingers were cool against my cheek; they were familiar but still exhilarating. I looked up and saw such a young, innocent, terrified look in those eyes that it just stopped the restless beating of my heart. Before I knew it the moment was over though. It all seems to end too soon. I had been placed back in my seat. The nurse was now standing in the room and once again Quinn was gone. And once again I missed her.

_I am in misery__  
__And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah__  
__Why won't you answer me?__  
__The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah__  
_

Even though I could feel the nurse tenderly wrapping up my ankle and I could feel the medicine making its way through my system, I was still hurting. I gazed at the spot the angelic girl had silently vacated. She hadn't said a single word about it. And I don't know what's worse, the fact that I didn't get to hear her smooth, comforting voice once more before she left or the fact that it was so easy for her to pretend nothing had ever happened. There are awkward silences at times, there are thoughtful silences….I don't really understand what hers is, what it could be. But I want to; I need to.

With one final pat to my ankle the nurse stood up and gave me a slight smile. "Okay it seems we are finished here. Just remember to take some Tylenol if the pain starts up again and you should be just fine."

I offered her a slight smile and a thank you before hastily rushing out of the office; the sound of my footsteps all around me. Maybe she didn't understand, but I did. My problems were not simply medical at the moment…and Tylenol can't help a heartache that won't seem to go away. I wasn't so sure that I would ever be just fine. .

_Girl you really got me bad__  
__You really got me bad__  
__And now I'm gonna get you back__  
__I'm gonna get you back_

**So I hope you enjoyed it. It took me a while to get back into the writing groove and I'm not too sure about this chapter so I would really love it if you could review and tell me what you think. Thanks.**

**By the way this is the song Misery by Maroon 5. **


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